SEX, INTIMACY, SENSUALITY, EROTIC DESIRE - Dana Miquelle - 2010.07.17 - Show #491

7.17.2010 - Dana Miquelle

 

Track 1:

Introductions

Are we sexy beings?

What's the nature of healthy sexual behavior in longterm relationships (major topic of the day)

It's not just physical, but also mind & spirit

Old Notion: that there is a biological drive to sexuality of course there is. But there is so much more as it is essential to relationships.

Politics of gender

Songs today are more about sex outside relationships

Dana wants to talk more about sex inside.

Sex is symbolic in relationship

• It indicates they also have good relationship in other parts of their lives
• sex is activity loaded with meaning
  • it can go well or it can go wrong.
  • values, meanings, our history, our beliefs

Start Track 2: 21:18

Track 2:

How we think about sex and sexuality

• that will shape how we engage it.
• what is healthy versus un-healthy

Spelling out unhealthy sexuality

• when someone is unwillingly being hurt more a "perversion"
  • the erotic form of hatred
    • Sexual rights being violated
• inside/outside our comfort zone
  • sometimes these need to be challenged

Sexuality are individualized

• Couples build with each other
  • In the beginning: observations (process of eliminations) - we establish comfort zone
• When there are problems: not "if" but how is couples going to work through that

Jacobus remembers "courting"

Start Track 3: 39:29

Track 3:

Talk about difference in conflict between intimacy and desire

maybe not as compatible as people think

• Intimacy: partner becomes familiar, getting the feeling we know them
  • requires security
• could become conflict in creating erotic desire
  • there is a separateness required

Intimacy is closeness, dependeness

Eroticism is separateness, independence

We need to go through both to bring out the best of us

We need to go grow-up in the relationship - grow up as human beings - ALWAYS

Creating Erotic Space:

• needs reflective sense of our selves
• needs internal sense of our selves

Story about "the missing piece" about 2 circles

Start Track 4: 59:13

Track 4:

Take into consideration why LOW DESIRE

• possibly medication
  • compared to what?
• in every relationship there is low desire person and a high desire person - it sets the tone...
• We also need the capacity to do so
• Viagra needed - yes/no
  • When relationships become stronger/safer

Start Track 5: 1:17:20

Track 5:

How do people think about intimacy and desire.

• we need 2 souls that create an erotic space.
• it creates a risk of not being accepted

The best way to improve is to work on themselves on individuals, FIRST

"Feelings" is only the beginning of the work

Tension between wanting closeness & expressing erotic desire

Attachment needs autonomy

Fusion is without separateness

Losing weight will improve sex

• don't look at outer circumstances
• WE need to control ourselves

Start Track 6: 1:37:02

Track 6:

Call about book titles

• "Mating in Captivity" Esther Perel
  • unlocking erotic intelligence
• "Intimacy and Desire" David Schnarch

"You Make Me Feel..."

• externalizing instead of internalizing

Confucius

Sexual Boredom: spicing-up life